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Thursday, May 4, 2017

Failure:(

Lately I have been pretty low and deeply feeling down.
At some point I came to realize that I feel like I am failing as a mother...
I can't get much done with my kids before they put up a big and good fist and this is making me tired and discouraged. Not only I feel like  there is nothing we have been able to truly enjoy doing together but I have, also, to deal with being criticized and the fact that someone thinks I have been told what to do or how to behave in front of them, makes things even harder because I keep hearing the harsh words being repeated by them when they have no idea the meaning of it.
Most of the days I rather start the morning late, and I feel like I wake up looking forward to nap time and in the afternoon I just cannot wait for bedtime 😥.
I know life with a toddler is hardcore, but I don't feel like this is the core.
I just feel lost, sad and broken.
This is not what I dreamed of Motherhood.
Sorry for the down post. I just needed to vent.
Xoxo

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Infertility Awareness week.

I don't think, even though we can try to understand, it is possible to feel the pain a couple endure through a diagnosis such as infertility.
We, very often, and maybe more than we can count take things for granted. And I can assure you that I am one of those...
When I was 19 I was diagnosed with PCOS and putted on hormones. Back then my doctor told me that because of my severe case of PCOS I would experience difficulty in getting pregnant, but I wasn't to be discouraged because there were always an option.
I got married at the age of 24, just a few months after Graduating from Law School and while setting our wedding we we're already talking about having children.
Despite never expressing my fears to my partner, I was terrified... And was glad when he suggested and  to start seeing a doctor sooner and before we started trying for sure. On that period I was experiencing many changes and challenges in my life. I had just got married, moved to another country, was away from family and friends for the first time in my life and was out of hormones after 5 years in...
But little I knew that there was a Divine plan for me and that my dream of becoming a mother would come true.
I experienced Cyst on my Ovary through the first 12 weeks of my two first pregnancies. But other than that had very  healthy journey and easy deliveries. And surprisingly was able to nurse my babies a few minutes after they were born with no issues.
Then for medical reasons I experienced the course of IVF for my 3rd child... Through this process, even though I knew my story and reason was different my heart ached to think that many woman go through it over and over and that for them it is the last resource and/or the only one. And after all still there are the ones that can make jokes and put misleading comments or information out there about the babies there are born through conceiving help.
Having to stuff your body with hormones, giving yourself shots for months is a painful and beautiful thing, and it is no joke!!!
So today, for all of you that has gone through it and is going through it, I am proud of you!!!!

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Acceptance

Lately I have been digging deep on this search to find who I am and what is my purpose in life. And I have been amazed by how much information is out there, a lot of it for free, and still I am not the only one struggling in living the every day of life mainly because I feel lost.
If I look for this point of view I would have no "right" to feel depressed or down, because I am living, despite of all, one of my dreams: Being a Mother!
But the strike comes from the fact that even by living our dream, I don't think we are fully prepared to face the full meaning of it.
As of me, for instance, despite becoming a Mama was my biggest dream, I wasn't prepared for motherhood and when it happened and I realized the full meaning of it I couldn't not express my struggle and nonetheless I wasn't​ able to accept it.
We live in a society where everyone is pretending to be experts in everything and is living a perfect life. Then we need to be alike and every single step needs to be compared to what whoever is doing it too.
At some point it feels like if everyone is living in one universe and not we are all part of the same one.
Then I came to understand that when I practice acceptance doesn't mean accepting everything. Means that I understand where something or someone comes from. Means I can be different and everyone can be their own and still we are part of a whole.
I am allowed to struggle, I am allowed to feel sad, I am allowed to feel mad or angry. But the choice is mine whether I want to live it or work it out. And I don't need other approval or appreciation. It needs to come within me and from my heart.
If I cannot make myself content within, no matter what I do to please others it won't count. Because there won't ever be enough and everyone comes with their own bagage of whatever they are made of and I cannot change it. I need to love myself enough to do not be affected by whatever comes my ways.
At the end it is each ones job to be pleased, not mine to please. And when I practice acceptance with myself​ I am able to understand that no matter how much I give or put on to something I cannot do it expecting the other one's positive attitude towards my actions.
Be blessed 😉.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Getting Fit after 4 years of falling off the wagon

Last week after almost loosing my mind dealing with my son's meltdown I decided it was already overdue for me to get back on track and restart my fitness journey.
It might sound silly and not that important but  I feel like if I am feeling good physically I can be stronger emotionally and have better energy to deal with the daily activities, battles, chaos and beautiful mess of motherhood.
I haven't been in a good place psychologically and emotionally... But I know it can change through physical activity.
For the first time I was able to keep a 5 days workout in a week. It was huge for me and I am aiming to keep the paste.
I like the feeling of my heart rate going high while I am working out. It relax me and makes me feel great!!
I am looking forward to my journey back and cannot wait to get back to  my body of 4 years ago!!!!

Thursday, March 30, 2017

New! Three ingredients laundry soap!

Since middle of 2016 I have been making my family's laundry soap. At first, I made the recipes I found on the internet but then I decided to try my own version and simplify it to the  max, along with making it as natural as possible.
My original version only uses 4 cups of Baking Soda, 1 cup of Salt and  1 Bar of body soap of your preference (I prefer the glycerine soap). I cut the bar into small cubes and put it with the baking soda and salt on a blender or food processor to grind so it makes it friendly for hot or cold water.
I have been making and using this recipe for the last 5 months and I am very pleased with the results. And one batch lasts me about 2 months๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜˜.

Monday, February 27, 2017

Who am I?

It might sounds a little bit off to ask this question at this point and time in life. But in reality I believe many of us go through life without finding out who we are and what is our mission on Earth. Very often we get confused and immersed on our roll in life at a moment and we lose who we are. It is like getting in a room putting on a dress up cloth and forgetting that it is just a part of our duty and not the definition of ourselves.
Lately I was blessed to find someone to guide me on this search to find who I am. Who God created me to be. And what is my mission here on Earth. Still a very long road to go and I feel like giving baby steps on this journey.
At some point I feel like I gave up on me... On my dreams. And I started to try to fit in. I thought I needed to make myself available at all times and by doing it I felt on the illusion that it would reciprocate. I did not created boundaries and it was the worse mistake of all.
I am glad I am on the journey to learn how to love myself again and how to enjoy life the way I am.
It is a long road and I know I might feel like giving up, but this is the time.
I believe we all come to Earth with a mission and no matter what is your believe sistem there is a powerful and Divine energy that move us through our daily battles.
Accepting our mission and understanding that we are here to do our part in the big stage of  life is what take us to the maturity. We are individuals and each and every one comes and have it's own bagage.
As of now, my biggest goal is to learn to be patient and to speak up when it is needed. No more holding up to feelings.Learning that my circumstances doesn't define who I am is a painful part of self growth. Is easy to be tough, smart and beautiful when the road is plain...
Then comes the hard times in life and you learn that you are stronger not by choice but because there is no other ways, you are smart because you still moving forward, and you are beautiful because of your soul.
What others think doesn't express who I am and I am learning to accept it. In fact it makes me happy to find people's true colors.
I know everything shall pass. Today is a new day and tomorrow is only a promise.
Through it all God is teaching me patience and forgiveness.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

How to revive a dried out play doh!

If you are a mother or are around children can relate to what I am saying... Doesn't it hurt your pocket and conscience when you see a full pot of playdoh being thrown t the trash can because it is dry?
Yes, it is so sad to see it happening and the just another day I was thinking to myself: ¨Maybe someone has found a way to bring it to life again?¨... So to Google, I went and whoola!
There was the solution!!!!
Tip 1 -  was to put drops of water and keep kneading the play doh until it gets back to its texture. ( Didn´t seem to work in my case since I had a lot of it :(. )
Tip 2 - was to wrap the play doh in the damped paper towel or facial tissue, put it in a plastic container with tight lid cover and leave it overnight!!! It worked so great!!!! And I felt happy that I didn´t have to throw a big pot of play doh my toddler got for Valentine´s Day!!!!

Now, this is one more thing that is going to my Live Life Spending Less Bucket List!!!

Until Next time!!!
Mama๐Ÿ’•