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Friday, July 24, 2015

Becoming a Warriors´ Mama

For quite so long I´ve been debating with myself whether or not to start writing about my experience. I know from the little bit I have exchanged with people, we always learn so much from another's experiences, and I believe that if by sharing my story I can help and touch one person, the least, I am fulfilling my mission.
Then I came across a very well known text about having a child with special needs, and it made me think even more about the reason why I should for sure share my side.
For the life of me I have always dreamed of being a mother, and somehow I was prepared to embrace motherhood. I got pregnant about 7 months after we decided to start having children, and it was mainly because I was on Hormones and birth control for a good and solid 5 years, to treat Polycystic Ovarium. It was just a little before Christmas when we found out I was pregnant. My pregnancy was a real piece of cake, I experienced some morning sickness, but it wasn't too bad and it was mainly related to some specific food, such as onions and coffee. I was active and we usually went for a good hour and a half walking every other day. At my 7th month's appointment, my doctor made us informed that our baby was already in the birth position and I decided to move my final care to a Midwife since I wanted a completely natural and drug-free birth.
I still remember the week my son was born...
He came 14 days early than his due date. And my labor went quickly and smoothly. He was a strong and healthy little peanut, weighting 5# 12oz and 19in long. Life went like a dream. We were home 36 hours after his birth, and at his 15 days, weight checks up he was 7#.
It was few days before his 1 month check up his pediatrician called me and asked if I knew of anyone in my family or my husbandÅ› family that had Sickle Cell Anemia... Then she told me not to get stressed about it and that she was just giving a heads up since I was supposed to get a phone call from the Hematology Department, which never happened. We went for his 1 month check up and she was the one setting up for my son to get his confirmation test...
The first Hematology appointment was made for couple days later and despite me not knowing even if I had the trait, there were no labs done at that day, all they gave me was a prescription for Penicillin and a chunk of information about the clinical side of Sickle Cell. I was frustrated and all I could think was how heartless these people were. And the phrase that stung on my head was the doctor saying ¨Your child won´t be able to do the things that normal children do, but you should treat him normal¨ and she completed: ¨We are not here to scare you, we just have to wait for the best, but be prepare for the worse¨
Leaving the hospital that day O had clear on my mind that first I needed to get checked to know which kind of Trait I had since Sickle Cell Disorder can be of so many types. And I was determinate that my child would be poisoned with anything just for the sake of nothing.
After learning that I had the Sickle Cell Anemia Trait, there was nothing else I could do about it, other than accept the reality and start my journey to learn as much as I possibly could about this disorder.
The learning and getting to know it was very hard and many times I finished reading something with tears in my eyes. At some point, more I would read, more desperate I would get because I felt alone. I was far away in another country, and couldn´t talk about it with anyone.
For countless times, I have asked God, why he had allowed it. I was quite too often check for signs of symptoms and now I feel like I didn´t enjoy, as much as I could, my childÅ› first year of life.
I´m very thankful that through my searches I found a Community and was able to, at least through the internet, have someone to open up about my fears.