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Sunday, April 29, 2018

This still hurts...

Sometimes I wish it was just a nightmare... It didn't really happened.
Maybe is just my heart crying for the life the way it used to be...
This is a picture, just one of the many sadness that strike my 💓. Here I am 19 weeks pregnant, living in a hospital room with my Hero child, that in a blink of hours lost his habilities to do everything he has learned to do since he was 4 months old. My face???
Well, how should I look my son in the eye and tell him to be brave, when I was hurting so much. I wasn't able to answer his questions. I wasn't able to prevent him from being poked and checked...
This is a picture of reality. There is where I am most of the times when he is having a bad day or a terrible meltdown. No one sees it, but there is my place, even though I am not the "perfect" one or the most patience and qualified.
Despite of everything, I feel so blessed because my child can express his feeling with me. He is allowed to be angry and sad. He is allowed to cry and scream if he needs to. He knows I still live him, even when he hurts me out of his frustration. He knows I love him no matter what he is or can do. I am and will sacrifice myself to give him what feels normal. I gave up so much and I don't and won't throw it to his face, because I did and would do it a billion times more.
Because I love him!!!

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